At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
tell me about the fingering
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