Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize