Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
