even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
