would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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