She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
