Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
