The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
