There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
