Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
