I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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