So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
