she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
