I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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