he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
my poor anus
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
