Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
