The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
