rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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