3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
