there's paper in my vomit.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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