smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize