I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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