Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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