I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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