so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
