So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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