I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
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This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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