when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
