I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
