i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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