I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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