I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
