he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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