its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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