State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
