i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so let's talk penis.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
