I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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