he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
