You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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