I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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