started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
