Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
