Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Come share oat with me in your robe
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
