I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
