Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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