I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She's the barista slut.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
