capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
