never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
