I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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