i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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