Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
