I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
