Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
