im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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