piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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