i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
