I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize