Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Four minutes until I can fart!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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