I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
