Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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