just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
