I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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